Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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