Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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