New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
