is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
