I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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