I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We are two peas in an std pod
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
