respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
