Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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