im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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