fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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