hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
