I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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