So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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