Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
