We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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