Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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