You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
