glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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