i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
