Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
