i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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