Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
