just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
