Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
