Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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