i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
