Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
