she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
