He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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