you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
