no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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