trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
