the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
