Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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