Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
