i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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