Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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