so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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