you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
