Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
