i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
