I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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