You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
