Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
