Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
