too bad you live with your parents still
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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