We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
