And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
