I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
