What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
