So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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