before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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