please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
