watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
