after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
