What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I supernannyed him into submission
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
