My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
