DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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