I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
