Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
