I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
