Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
